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![]() You just know there’s a story in there somewhere ... This sounded far too facile to me at the time, considering that he was taking a quick breather during the telling of a vast collection of stories, and it was all happening in a golf course clubhouse bar. And anyhow, this guy didn’t know how to talk without telling stories. To him, conversation was narration, and absolutely everything reminded him of a story. This could have been pretty annoying save for one thing: His stories were terrific. Spit-take, shoot-beer-out-your-nose terrific, every one. And so I came to believe that such loquacious storytelling was true evidence of a life well lived, a life joyously thrown open to foolishness and preposterousness of all kinds. To know lots of good stories from one’s own experience was to have a lusty appreciation for blazing irony, inspired lunacy and fates that could be both cruel and bracing, often at the same time. The best place, of course, to retell these chronicles of derring-do is the clubhouse bar, one of the loosey-gooseyest places on Earth. Neither timidity nor pomposity can survive in the thick air of the clubhouse bar (although lies often thrive), and the atmosphere is charged with hyperbole and clinking ice. Swashbuckling tales fairly leap from every mouth, and most of them are about golf. We at Southland Golf would like to devote this space, this little one-page coda of our magazine, to the very best 19th-hole stories in the repertoire of you, our readers. Because we’re just as eager as the next person to hear a great golf story (true or nearly so) or a howlingly perfect golf joke, we’re giving all of you the floor, right in the middle of our own version of the clubhouse bar. Only two rules: Keep it reasonably clean, and keep it to 400 words or less. Apart from that, knock yourself out: Send us that can’t-miss, never-fail (mostly) true golf story, that never-saw-it-coming golf joke, that indelible golf memory that makes all ears in the room turn your way. Send your submission via email to blichterman@churmmedia.com, and if it runs as a Tales From the 19th Hole feature, we’ll present you with a box of Titleist ProV1 balls and photograph you in our studio to illustrate your great story. Remember to include your name and address with your submissions. Help us all collect more good stories, and live a finer and funnier life. Send your submission via email to blichterman@churmmedia.com. |
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