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Par for the Course
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 Gonzo (left) and The Coach demonstrate what a bad lie is really all about (Photo: Eric Tracy). Last month, a dozen golfing buddies, with names like Gonzo, Bo, Frosty and The Coach, ventured to Las Vegas for the first Golfoholics West Golf Outing and Big Smoke. The three days included two rounds of golf at The Legacy and Aliante, which have perfect layouts for golfers mixing highballs and skied balls. The outing included lots of laughs, libations and take-home stogies from The Big Smoke, put on by Cigar Aficionado magazine. The idea for the 72-hour sojourn was born last November when I traveled with Rocky Rhodes (yes, that’s his real name) to Las Vegas to golf and enjoy The Big Smoke, which we attend each year. We call it our boondoggle because I find something to write about and Rocky takes photos. We tell our wives it’s a “business trip.” The idea for the recent trip came from “Golfoholics, The Front Nine,” a book of nine short stories about two over-40 golfers and the hysterical things that happen to them and their friends while playing golf. The tales inspired me to organize a trip with some of the fun guys I’ve played golf with over the years. I decided to call our group Golfoholics West and pair the outing with The Big Smoke. I contacted Bill Replogle, the author of “Golfoholics, The Front Nine,” to share my plan and get his permission to use the book’s name and logo — a martini olive with a golf tee through it. He loved the idea and my silly motto for Golfoholics West: “In pursuit of excess, but only in moderation.” While in Indio last January for a charity golf tournament at Eagle Falls, I met the course’s PGA director of golf, Willie Maples. When I told him of my plan for a Golfoholics gathering, he told me to contact Bill Cook, who just happens to be a casino host at the Rio All Suites Hotel and Casino. When I called Cook, he was playing golf with the director of sales for OB Sports, the golf management firm that operates three courses in Las Vegas, including The Legacy and Aliante. In three minutes, I lined up the hotel and golf courses we would play. Next came the invitations and rules, which included reading the book within 30 days of receiving it. After reading the book, the recipient had to see himself or a playing partner somewhere in the nine stories. The only other rule was that if they could relate to the characters in the book, they wouldn’t follow rules anyway, so why bother? The first person to commit was Rob Chaput, an inventor from Sudbury, Ontario, which is so far north in Canada it’s 30 miles south of God. Chaput invented the Drink Caddie, the perfect device for a group of guys calling themselves Golfoholics. The Drink Caddie is a battery-powered contraption that pumps your favorite beverage from a 64-ounce reservoir hidden in your golf bag and out the head of what appears to be a normal driver. Chaput brought another Canadian with him named Rich Lahti, who we started calling “Cheese ’n Rice” because it was the substitute phrase he often used instead of taking the Lord’s name in vain. Our good ol’ boys from the South included James Studdard, aka The Stud, who, because of his resemblance to the late Bear Bryant, earned a new nickname — The Coach. There also was Gonzo (his given name), who was easy to spot because of the “Disco Balls” pants he purchased from LoudMouthGolf.com. Brent Taylor, from Vancouver, British Columbia, got the nickname Inspector Gadget for his resemblance to the cartoon character of the same name with his hair winging out from the sides. Ed Coleman, another inventor who created Brisole golf shoes, which have bristles molded into the edges for cleaning mud off your clubface, was quickly dubbed The Rock for his resemblance to the pro wrestler/action-movie actor known by the same name. Then there was Dale Menard, my buddy from New Orleans and the only no-show for the second day of golf. You’d think a guy who’s attended Mardi Gras more than 50 times could handle our little shindig, but age has apparently caught up with him. The three days were capped off at The Big Smoke, a testosterone-overloaded evening of cigars and fine liquor. When entering the big hall at The Venetian Resort Hotel Casino, attendees are given a Cigar Aficionado bag and coupons to redeem dozens of cigars handed out that night. It’s like Halloween, because you spend the evening going from one great cigar manufacturer’s booth to another, with people dropping goodies into your bag. We all had a great time, but the gathering had a deeper meaning to me. A few years ago, I attended the funeral of a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. There were so many people I knew but hadn’t seen in years there to pay their respects. It was a shame that it took someone dying to get us together again. I decided then that I wanted to see my old friends more often than I do. So that’s what Golfoholics West is all about — a gathering of friends I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. Since I won’t know who’ll attend my funeral, I want to see as many of my friends as I can while I’m still alive. Eric Tracy is also known as The Mulligan Man. He can be reached at eric@themulliganman.com. |
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| Comment at 7/6/2011 |
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