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 They’re also avid golf aficionados and very funny and candid, as anyone can tell from their colorful answers to a list of questions that Southland Golf presented them in anticipation of the 5th Annual Mark & Brian Celebrity Golf Tournament. Whether it’s playing a round with Elvis, a prison cellmate or Dom Deluise, Mark and Brian’s irreverent sense of humor and high-energy antics is what makes their golf tournament such a blast for everyone involved. And that’s evident in their answers. How did you first get involved with the Mark and Brian Celebrity Golf Tournament? MARK: We just had the idea to get together with some of our celebrity friends and play some golf and it has grown into this. BRIAN: A few years ago I heard a radio commercial advertising our tournament. I thought, hey, that sounds like fun. I should go! What’s the best thing about being involved in your golf tournament? MARK: The free SWAG. BRIAN: Hosting it. You get a lot of perks. Last year I scored a bigger suite than Kevin Costner! What is your all-time favorite moment from past Mark & Brian Celebrity Golf tournaments? MARK: The year Patrick Warburton got drunk and pulled out his potato gun. BRIAN: Waking up the morning after the pairing party and finding out that Ryan Stiles was more hung over than me! Which celebrity not currently playing in your event would you most like to have participate and why? MARK: Brad Pitt. Because he brings out the chicks. BRIAN: Actually, there’s no one that we’ve invited that hasn’t participated. In fact, there’s quite the waiting list. I remember one year Robert De Niro called. He was all, “Hey, guys. I’ll play.” And we’re like, “Sorry, Bobby. No can do.” And he’s all, “Please?” And we’re like, “Should’ve called earlier. All the spots are full.” And he’s all, “You talkin’ to me?” And we’re like, “Whatever.” What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen take place at one of your events? MARK: The fact that we are actually able to fit in some golf. BRIAN: It was actually at last year’s tournament. Believe it or not I saw Super Dave Osborn NOT cheat on a hole. If your Brian’s/Mark’s golf bag could speak, what would it say? MARK: Why don’t you ever use your 3-iron? BRIAN: Hey, he takes more shots from that tequila bottle than he does with us! It seems like more and more musicians are picking up the game. How has golf, this stuffy game for plaid pant-wearing country clubbers, become so hip? MARK: Musicians who are on the road find it a great way to relax cause every city has a course. BRIAN: Uh, I guess because plaid pants make your butt look cute. What’s the most reliable club in your bag and why? MARK: The one that I use to fish my ball out of the lake. BRIAN: My Series II beryllium sphere tribble based ganglia technology attack wedge with a pure carbon fiber quantum cored shaft, multi-dimensional optic hosel bore and a grip made of perforated human skin. Patent pending. What’s your favorite snack at the turn? MARK: Chici from Robinson Ranch. BRIAN: I’ll usually have an iced tea and an injection of anabolic steroids. If Mark and Brian played an 18-hole match, who would win? MARK: Brian. BRIAN: Probably the kid that finds and re-sells errant golf balls. What’s your most embarrassing moment on the golf course? MARK: The game. BRIAN: When I saw Dom Deluise and we were both wearing the exact same outfit. How would you summarize the state of your game these days? MARK: Drunk. BRIAN: I would say my game is currently in a gaseous state, thank you. When did you begin playing golf and how often do you get to play? MARK: Five years ago and maybe once a week. BRIAN: I was doing 3 to 5 in a minimum-security prison and picked up the game to try to win cigarettes for my special friend, Hank. What is your favorite course in Southern California? MARK: Robinson Ranch in Santa Clarita. BRIAN: The ones with no trees, no water, no out-of-bounds, no blind shots, no blacks, no blues, no green undulation, no doglegs, no sand traps, no cart path-only rule, no rattlesnakes and nobody in front of me. Oh yeah, and the one’s with GPS. What is your motto on the golf course? MARK: Drink. BRIAN: Never clean your ear with a Texas tee! What is your greatest fear on the golf course? MARK: The game. BRIAN: Herpes. What do you enjoy most about being on the golf course? MARK: The liquor. BRIAN: Being paired with guys that are much worse than me. If you could change one thing about your game, what would it be? BRIAN: My entire approach. BRIAN: My disposition. I’m way too relaxed out there. I need to be more uptight, bad tempered. I aspire to become a club thrower. What words or phrase do you most overuse on the golf course? MARK: F_ _ K! BRIAN: “Hey, I said I was sorry, lady! It’s not like your going to need stitches!” Including yourself, who would make up your ultimate foursome? MARK: Elvis, he’s big enough to make a foursome. BRIAN: Well, I like playing for money so it would be Charles Barkley, Stevie Wonder and Larry Flynt. n |
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